xoxo

The touch of your hand, Just made my cold heart warm.. Ever since He was gone. no one else manage to warm up my heart.. it;s weird right??


Todayy, in school,well.. nothing much happen i guess?? Erm.. let's see.. our scholl got flooded.. got distroy by the storm.. had water polo for the first lesson.. we, Nurlyana and i thought it would be okay.. cause we were tired.. haha! but.. we were still tired.. gosh..my eyes are like hurting now!!! the water that went in my eyes.. plues the sunlight that was shining into my eyes.. when i wanna shoot. but.. for the first time.. it's okayy.. but the warm ups are so tiring.. goshh..!! haha!!and then erm.. maths next.. as usal... sit and do our stuff.. then break.. didn't dare to call my mum to ask whether i could go for netball cause she scolded me yesterday for having last minute thing.. but what can i say? i forgot.. and i'm really forgetful + i just remembered when i was packing my bag!! jeezz..!! OH well..!! erm.. so during break,hand in the forms for SEASAC badminton! haha!! then went with Nurlyana and Rizuko to the Art Block.. for their meeting.. so i waited outside and a dummy. haha!! everyone was like looking at me.. when the meet ended, the bell just rang.. and i was like:" SHIT! MS Brooks.. got to go" and started running.. haha.. went to my locker rush myself.. when i went up.. I WASN"T LATE!!!!!! so whatever.. being early is better than late =PP so then.. after english was chinese.. bla bla bla.. then bla bla blaa.. and bla bla blaa.. RING!! end of school.. ACTIVITY time!! badminton.. when i was in the changing room.. i saw poeple changing getting ready for netball.. and i was like.. sighs.. but how would i know.. i mean i knew there was a game, but i didn't know when.. sighs.. okay so.. then erm.. it rained during activities.. and the swimmers couldn't swim.. so they came in door.. so after 1 hour .. some of them came and play with us. but not hte SEASAC team..we have to train the stupid footwork.. so damn tiring..!! erm.. then in bus... when i just got up the bus.. then elliot was like:" jingli, ni hao.. i'm so way gonna beat you in the chinese test" and i was like whatever.. when i walked away he suddenly said:" jing li is a slut.. but ashley is hot" and i was like.. what the hack!!!! then dongkuk came and asked me:" ashley, would you go out with elliot?" and i was like:" why? why'/ why?" ahha.. then he just change the topic.. and asked who i like.. he was like:" so, who do you like? your ex? i heard from jessica.. who do you normally have lunch with?" so when he was asking those stupid questions, i answered NO NO NO.. and the lunch one.. i obviouslyy answer all the girls.. ahhaa!! so then erm.. hmm.. nothng much happen.. came back.. my dad told my mum about the netball. and my mum started scolding again.. and i was like.. i know i was wrong about the last minute form.. but why do i get scolding for this too? i don't get it... no matter what.. i'll still get scolded..whatever ... life just creeps me out!!

Apperently, she thinks being a teen SUCKS

Je souhaite que je pourrais te parler. Mais toutes les fois que je te parle, vous essayerez de m'ignorer. Quand nous allant jamais faire face à ce problème ? Quand allons-nous arrêter ce problème que nous avons ? Je suis vraiment heureux pour toi. Pour ce qu'avez obtenu vous . Pour être là quand j'ai eu besoin de toi. Mais j'ai une question pour toi. Avez-vous menti à moi au sujet de la coupure vers le haut ?

If you guys dont uderstand. it's okayy.. cause that is the whole main thing about writing it.. well.. todayy.it's a sundayy!! sundayy!! the end of the weekend..!! and you know what!! i haven't even start my geograhpy homework.. and you wanna know why? becuase when ever i wanna start, my brain just freeze.. and plus. it's like so confusing how to do it.. damn it man..!! i hate it i hate it!! okay next.. hmm.. bla bla bla...starting from dinner till like erm.. 8:30. haha. we,my whole family.. were like so crazyy.. haha.. after dinner we went to the night market.. and before we went there.. my mum was like:" i wanna beat you up adi! everytime also same.. say want to go end up don't want to go!! what you want!!" she said that to my dad.. and my mum started doing the punching action..haha. then when we were in the night market.. ithink my family was like the loudest. we were talking so loud... haaha.. well, what can i say.. my family was born to be loud!! there to be different!! haha!! well.. hmmm. i have no mood to blog much.. so yeahh

If you think you are wrong.. well guess again.. i wonder why arent you replying my textes.. i know i'm over you.. but i really need to talk to youu.. but whyy aren't you reply? i would love to call youu. but i till now.. i don't have the gust to call youu.. but how do i over come this fear??

Today, it's a saturday guys.. haha.. i have no idea what's the big deal about saturdays.. haha.. anywayy.. erm..i was suppose to wake up at 6 something to teman my dad and makan.. but i couldn't wake up... aww comeon.. for a person who sleeps at 1 and wake up at 6? imposibble right?haha anywayy.. end up waking up at 9.. and my dad was like:" i wanted to wake you up.. i came in your room but i saw you slept so soundly.. so i didn't wake you up" then i said:" i know.. you came in twice right? i saw the door opened (:" and he was like:" then why didn't you wake up?? you very alret" and i was like:" i know. i just can't open my eyes onlyy " hmm..then.. erm.. blablablaa.. then erm.. go dentist. haha. Damn it man!! need to do braces.. damn.. ish laa.. S.O.S.. ican't imagine myself wearing it..haha!!.. but . what to do.. hmm.. then.. erm.. went and pick my mum up. and then.. my mum.. as usal.. talks about her golf game.. whole day.. untill now.. she's talking about it.. and erm.. hmm.. then hmm.. during dinner.. saw chelsea.. same old same old.. we arh.. damn weird.. keep on laughing.. well.. it's us man! haa.. and on the way for dinner.. we,siblings.. were like talking about how to kao lui and zai.. and ask each other who likes who and stuff like that laa..!fun man!! haha.. then erm.. during dinner.. before the food came. iw as siting next to my uncle and my mum.. and my sister and my brothers opposite me.. and so. they were talking about something.. and the adults were talking about my teeth.. and i was like.. where should i talk? haha.. and then i suddenly said to my siblings:" eh, don't leave me out!! tell me.. what's the topic? tell me tell me!!" then my sister started laughing.. and she copied me.!! damn her laa! haha!! but it was really funny!! haha.. erm.. then went back.. continue my homework.. sister continue cleaning her room.. and then erm.. i finished my homework.and helped my sister clean her room.. haiyoo!!

As the days passes by, he went off my mind.. but whenever i see the stuff he gave me, my heart just shattered..

The truth hurts.. but lies are worse.. how can i face it anymore?? I'm gonna end all these crazy-ness that was put into my life..

All these.. i wrote to sien wei.. in friendster.. it just suddnely woke my brain up.. what should i wait for him?? exactlyy.. as sien wei replied.. that now.. the writters aren't us.. the writters are someone else.. and they don't want me to be the main character.. the book won't be that great if there's onlyy one main character.. So why wait when you know that US won't happen...

Todayy.. nothing much happenn.. damn bored at home.. rather go to school =( anywayy.. the holidays are coming to an end soon (: bla bla bla.. hmm.. nothing much though. what should i blog about?? tomorrow's Karen's birthday.. Yesterday was my cousin's birthdayy! hehe.. yipeee!! celebration!! woshh.. well.. i guess i won't blog much (:

Be my shining star? Be my crazyy partner? Be my lover? Be mine forever?

I want you to know that i'm still not over you yet. but i'm in the process.. The feeling loving you was almost gone.. till.. this thing just made my mind to think of you.. and made my heart beat faster.. i need you now.. i need to talk to you now.. i need to tell you something. i need to ask you something. but where are youu? i remember you said that you'll be right beside me whenever i need you or whatever happens.. but now.. look at it now.. are you still there?

Todayy, my day started off going downtown.. then pertama complex..shop for my sister's badminton shoes.. then came back..then watch a show.. so nice.. and sad.. then.. erm. tidur (: what to do.. so tired man.. hm.. then watched american idol.. then makan.. then watch other shows.. then here i am.. then erm.. i think hmm. not sure.. whatever.. laa nothing to blog laaa..

Are you still the guy love? Are you still the guy that makes my day brighter? Are you still the guy that makes everyone talk eventhough they don't want to.. are youu??? are you still him?? Well.. YOU AREN'T!! I'm not the onlyy one saying this now.. Some of us think that you aren't the guy we used to spend laughing and getting caught playing with water,ice and hitting each other.. i miss those times.. but do youu? I have a feeling that one dayy.. you'll forget about us. the ones which aren't same school as youu.. I see you, i hear youu.. But.. I don't see that guy that i admire so much.. the guy that i love so much.. the guy that cracks me up.. all i see now.. is just breaking people's heart,insulting, taking someone's love ones.. what else can you do?

Todayy, in school nothing much happen.. hmmm. during chinese.. erm.. cause Ms Miow said that we had to speak madarin.. no english.. so there's once this melvin was like:" Ashley, ashley" and i looked at him.. then he said:" erm.. wo men.. wo men.. wo men" then he stopped talking cause Ms miow scolded him for being slow.. so yeahh. haha!!hmm. then erm.. after break it was P.E. i didn't really like today's P.E. after P.E, i was science.. it made my day even worse.. i failed the test. and had to resit.. yeah i did...michelle and i didn't have lunch cause of that.. and appereently.. Imaan lied to the teacher that she had agama.. she didn't even go for agamma.. and then.. the whole lunch time i didn't had any mood to eat.. no mood to talk.. no mood to laugh.. all i was thinking of that i need a shoulder to cry on. cause as i failed my science test, something came up to my mind.. and just make me wanna brust into tears..well. i nearly brust into tears.. but i controlled myself.. but somehow the tears still nearlyy roll down my face.. and then after lunch it was Malay.. and i wanted to sit with flora.. but she was like:" i promised loni " and stuff like that.. so i just said:" you make my day worst!" cause i didn't wanna sit with ainaa.. and plus.. flora, i can be mean to you in science but then.. in malay, you are the one that i need to sit with cause you make me talk.. make me be myself.. where else the others just ignore me.. but i was lucky that we had to do our project.. on kederaan.. so michelle and i sat together.. and this melvin ting seems to take everything from me.. and then amir touched my pencil case and said;" eh, guys touch it.. it's so nice" then melvin touched it and said:" wow!! who ever created this. is so cool (: it's so soft and nice to touch" then mirsham touched and said:" wooo. nice. hhehee" right.. people .. so yeahh.. my dayy was like that todayy.. a day to end before holidays. i get 3 days off.. plus the weekends.. total 5 days..

Found some new songs (:

Well.. the last two.. is okayy.. but see what they write. see the video.. it's really sad...

As i try to move on.. I gotta love to live right? But.. when i laugh.. I feel like it wasn't me.. I felt like.. I'm a different person.. cause I can't move on just like that.. Do you guys know how difficult to let go of someone special that you spend 1 year 8 months and 4 days with.. I was thinking earlier when i was watching a movie.. If you can move on, why can't i? If you love her so much, why stop you? If you've told you that i will move on right? And I promised not to ruin someone's life.. And there for, I will try to move on (: all the best to youu.. (:

Todayy.. A day to start with MUSIC! damn it man!! And then MATHs.. The test i screw it..! seriouslyy. i don't know whyy. suddenly my brain was like BLANK!! darn.. and then english.. english we went to listen to this author.. Dhaksyena and i kept laughing.. cause of her!! haha! really something funny happen today during that thingyy..then P.E. it was exhausting man!1 bla bla blaa.. then this flora sang happy birthdayy song to me during lunch.. but i stopped her. haha!! cause todayy i ain't the birthday girl.. the birthday girl is Shazlyn.. (:

Today, during activity.. badminton.. i kept falling down. falling down as in like diving.. haha! then got once.. i partner my brother.. damn man.. i fell until my knee hurts so badlyy..bla bla bla.. SEASAC?? YIPPEE!! Going singapore again!! haha.. my passport like only got singapore chops.. haha!!..Oh yeahh.. thanks NURLYANA & FARIA for the lovely gifts (: I LOVE IT!!

As the dayy went pass.. A voice kept coming up to my mind:" Roses,Roses.. Buy one for your loved ones" And i was thinking to myself.. will he buy for his little girl.. will he buy for the girl he'll wait for till she accpets him.. Everyone seems to be recieving gifts.. sending gifts... All i can say is that...

Presenting Faria & Ashley

Just one last dance before we say goodbye.. is it okay with you? Now i know that love isn't an ordinary thing.. It's so sweet to see you have really strong feelings for her.. the message you sent to her.. it's so sweet.. i'll be supporting you all the way okay?!

As i talked to you, i have this weird feeling.. but you just kept talking about something else. that really mades me hate me so badly.. I've tried to do everything to think that everything is okayy. that i fit in.. that i accpet the fact you've moved on.. but every single day, there'll be a time which someone or something made me feel like i don't fit in nor moved on..

Today was the swimming gala..omg.. damn tiring man.. i got 2 medals out of 6 events!! that sucked lots..i got sliver for 25m medally relay...after the medally relayy.. everyone was like hugging me.. i mean the team the three of them.. while waiting for the medals to be given.. cause someone told imaan that we got 1st.. and then.. they said it was because of me?! okayy.. totaly akward. but end up.. we got 2nd.. no idea whyy..then after break i had 50m butterfly.. it was a last minute thing.. so while waiting for the butterfly event, DK was like:" Ashley you better get 2nd" haha.. yeahh. i got second from the bottom!so then right after that. it was 50m freestyle!!and i hate it!!! i got last!! and you know why? my goggles came out..!! gosh!! damn those goggles!so yeahh.. then right after freestyle was medally i think.. and i had to do butterflyy!!! and i think i slow the team down.. but still got 3rd.. yippee!.. then right after that was the freestyle relay.. it was Astrea who was suppose to do it. but then.. she was tired.. so i took her place..so we got last.. well.. what can we do.. India wasn't feeling well.. Rizuko was great.. i was abit pumped out!! and was the first swimmer.. and Issabelle did great!!! so well.. i totally sucked! and then right after that.. i got to rest for like 3 minutes onlyy... then i need to go for the 8 times 50 m relay.. well.. we could have got like 2nd but the first swimmer.!! suddenly she swim back with backstroke!! "hack sei yan" arh!! so yeahh.. and after all those.. finally i get to rest.. well.. cause it ended.. haha! then when i came back.. my brother was like:" ashley why you do so many?" haha.. totaly i took part in 6 events.. non-stop ones.. haha.. i almost fainted man!!!and then while we were sitting in our house tents.. Rizuko was like:" ASHLEY! you did great.. you didn't let our team down.." and then she whispered to herself that it's her last swimming gala.. so i asked her.. and she's leaving soon!! awww!!!

You make it so hard for me to talk to youu.. everytime.. it's like that girl here and there.. if you already know how i feel.. and what's the explaination about this?omg!! you are killing me!! you are killing my life!!! you are making me worst!! Damn the time we had.. DAMN YOU 28th MAY! damn youu!!! YOU SUCK!!!!

You seem so happy.. I told myself to make sure i won't complicate your life.. cause.. i know after i've told youu how i really feel.. you might get the weird feeling.. but . instead.. you were just so calm.. you were seriouslyy into that girl.. and i'm really happy for youu.. I'm trying to laugh myself up.. but it get worst..

Heyy people!! Tomorrow is like the big day!! so todayy.. as usal.. OMG!! Defending youu in netball?? You feel useless.. haha!! i actually can talk to youu more.. but just don;t know why my mind just went blank. hehe..so yeahh.. running up and down and feel useless?/ just because you don';t get the ball? this is call netball!! and you are a guy.. why did you join netball in the first place?? that is akward..After school, in the bus.. NAvin said this:" At least yours is better than mine.. mine is with a freaking chinese" omg!! that seriouslyy sound so wrong!! you are insulting me dude!! you think i didn't hear that? James didn't hear that but i did dude!! totallyy feeling insulted..!! and navin.. your idea is so yuckyy!! he said this to me:" Ashley, if you go out with tim.. tell him to shut his mouth up.." and i was like.. what the hell!! never in my whole life will i go out with him!!And dongkuk was like:" jing li, jingli." then he pointed to tim and did the heart shape and poitned back at me.. stupid!! this happen in the sports hall.. my goshh laaa!!

I'm sorryy.. i try to forget about you. but then.. you always come up to my mind.. and i wanted to let you know how i really feel just now.. but then. you were busyy.. and now.. you still are.. and the very next moment some person tells me you are asking another girl out? what next?? Eventhough i soud so happy for youu.. but my heart was shattering into pieces.. pieces that you onlyy can fix it.. I wish you know how i feel towards youu.. but.. you never will know cause you can't be bothered to know..

Todayy, my day started of okayy..But then. suddenlyy everything was upside down.. As i'm blogging.. my heart was just aching.. the song played on my playlist.. just made me cry.. the lyrics is just so meaningful..It almost made me cry..control myself not to cry.. i try and try.. but then it's useless.. I still dont get it.. why can't you see that i wrote it for you?

during dinner suddenly my mum was like:" Hey people!(to us) eat. it's good for you people people!!" she talked like. how now a days youngster talk..and then one more thing..when we were coming back from lunch. she was like:" i like this song.. it's nie" and that song was cokkie jar.. haha.. she actually love those type of song.. interesting!!

I wish i could just turn back the time.. Something isn't right now.. Something is wrong with me. or is it you?Do you really know how i feel? If you do, why are you doing it to me?

Hey peeps!! Todayy in school.. i suddenly got crazyy... hahaa!! and Nurlyana and i were laughing like mad.. well i laught more than her.. haha!! Well what happen was that.. when i was in the canteen.. i stood up and pretended to look for someone..cause erm.. ** was calling XXX.. cuase ** loves XXX.. So then when i was at my locker.. suddenly ** came to his locker also.. and ours are near each other.. so then suddenlyy he asked:" What the hell are you doing during lunch? standing up and pointing" cause i must not make it obvious that i was looking at ** to see whether he seriouslyy called XXX.. so i acted like i was looking for some one.. so i answered:" Erm.. cause i was looking for a friend, No wait my Brother" and so happen when i said my brother.. Nurlyana said My sister.. so yeahh.. if he is smart enough, he'll know that i'm lying.. hahaa!!if you don't get it.. it is okayy.. hahaa!! Oh yeah.. and navin asked shandi out.. but got rejected..haha!! It's not funnyy.. but then.. there's something else which was funnyy.. i shall tell you guys(Nurlyana,Faria) about it on tuesday.. hahaa!!! Oh yeahh one last thing.. when i was in the bus.. near my stop... erm.. XXXX asked me:" You like Melvin?" then i answered:" Erm.. nope. but as a friend" then he asked Melvin:" You like ashley?" then he said yeahh.. i love her.. then XXXX was like shocked.. then he asked me:" did you hear that? he said he loves you" then i said:" yeahh.. i lovee him too!! i love him so much.. haaa

Anywayy.. Nothing much.. MATHS TEST NEXT FRIDAY.. SCIENCE TEST NEXT THURSDAY.. SWIMMING GALA NEXT WEDNESDAY!!!!!!!!! S.O.S!!!!

Can i stay strong? Can i go on? As the time passes today, I kept playing you in my mind.. I wonder if you ever know how i feel.. I've been thinking through and through till today.. I knew what was the real reason that we are now apart. But why would you wanna hide the reason? It will hurt me more when i find out.. It's not your first time doing this to me.. I try to pretend that i'm happy for your new news.. But deep down inside, it hurts for me seeing youu lying to me all these while..Sometimes life/ love is just so hard to understand..



Todayy, everything is just fine.. Well not reallyy..I don't wanna talk about it.. I got tatto-ed! It was 28th May and a heart shape.. It reminds me alot about 28 may..





I was trying to help.. but you just shouted at me saying that i'm not helping.. but i'm trying and trying to fit in.. but some how i still don't..Even how hard i try and try.. It's worthless. so what is the use of fitting in?

I've found htis in my pictures (: Sweetest memory during volleyball (:

Everytime i just stare at it and look, my heart just feel so cold.I kept replaying the memories in my head; it's so painful to see that i still have you kept in my heart and my head forever.. As i flash back, it just made me cry.. i don't know how to tell you,as cause i'm afraid that i'll be heartbroken more..

Heyy peoplee! Todayy.. i don't know whyy i can't think.. i can't laught either..sighs.. poeple sighs!! and people!! go and view http://2heartbreakingbeats.blogspot.com/

Go and press it!! anywayy.. it's alive now that blog.. if you wanna see throught my blog.. just go to the links. and press SWAN.. cause it's SW= Sien wei.. An=Ashley Ng...

What the hell la!! ijust sing that song.. and you think i'm like.. omg man!! you arh.. as a brother help me la!! although i didn't help youu.. but at least stop saying:" ahem ahem.. eh eh.. ahem ahem" i didn't do that when you were down okay!! i just sing that song just because it was on the tv.. okay!! ish.. and i just kept saying i hate you doesn't mean i'm saying to him okayy!i just say :" amy you suck.." then she say i suck more la.. i agree la.. then i was talking to you that i hate you then you go:" ahem ahem ahem ahem" haiyoo! tlak and joke around also cannot?? so then i just sing the lyrics which goes:" hate is a strong word but i really really don't like you" and you go:" ahem ahem" haiyoo!! get a life la!! stop making me think of it okayy.. stop making me think of those memories.. but you just did!! i guess that's whyy i have no mood for everything!!