Monday, October 20, 2008
in my heart you'll always be mine
isn't trusting someone so difficult? i wish i can please die. all i ever did was just help. help. help. yet betray. and i always forgave them yet they still hurt me. what else you want? if you wanna ruin my life, don't ruin it like that. just take out the knife and kill me.. i just wish i could run away.. run away from this country.. if i stay back in this country, my friends will suffer being with me... i make my mistake, i stumble and fall.. and my friends make me get up.. they made me belive in myself again.. but then.. i don't want you all to suffer with me.. i've been crying for 10 fully hours... i've been crying cause someone that trusted me so badly thought i betrayed her. but i trusted her so badlyy too.. i don't want this anymore. i don't want her to suffer.. i wish i can just get the hell out of my damn life. whenever this thing happen, i always think that my life is actually a fake one.. cause i always feel like i'm adopted, stupid and stuff.. this morning, during assembly, well before assembly,she came over to me and asked me.. i told her everything.. during assembly, my heart started to get hurt. cause after i told you, it's like your best friend(in yuor class) just treat me like i'm a ghost to her adi. and that's when i know that everything is wrong.. everything is my fault.. if it wasn't for me, you guys won't have to suffer...
in a blink of an eye, we're gonna seperate each other.. that's the worst...i should have just left the world earlier.. you know the weirdest is that.. i always feel like i'm gonna die like in 5 years time or that i have a sickness in me now but i don't know... that's just so weird. *ouch* as i'm writing this post,i'm crying and my heart hurts so badlyy.. i just read shea zheng's blog.. trust.. it's so nice of that post..and i really miss everything i used to have.. the happy time during kidnegarden..the times i had with those cheerful ppl.. now, i still have that person.. although it's another girl.. but she is the one i always loved.. we might fight sometimes.. but we get back.. that's what true friends is about.. i've found her.. she was my friend when i was std1 till now.. her brother and my brother are close friends too(: i really wish that she'll know how much i love her.. but hope she'll not see this post.. okayy i need to have my dinner now.. if i have tome, i'll edit this post again..
tata
xoxo
ashleylicious
6:58 PM
